Are Wargamers Boring?Well it depends- stories about wargaming often are as I can surely witness..... A good few years ago OGUK used to have a stand at the show in Eindhioven in the Netherlands or this incident may have taken place in Essen Germany- certainly it was not the UK. Some years we'd put on games as well- unusual at the time as we were historically based and not All conquering Workshop junkies. I remember doing Dark Ages, Hundred Years War and WW2 games . After the show the evenings could get a tad convivial. - There should have been a sign saying
"Here Be Monsters".On this occasion I found myself cornered in a restaurant by a Dutch Geezer who was boring the arse off me recounting his list of Workshop Victories. My eyes were glazing over, my brain turning to mush. I applied myself to my beer and looked about me in despair and at last gasp caught the eye of my savior. Todd Fisher - he of EHQ- also present- enviegled me into a more historical conversation. Sighs of relief were sighed and later after the meal Todd says to me in pure Chicargoan.
I was in a bar last week at home and caught sight of a biker guy I know sitting there looking deeply pissed. All of a sudden he cuts loose and wrecks the place. Just before he started He had EXACTLY the same look on his face as you had- so I thought I'd better rescue youThanks Todd you were not wrong. If you are a a show and see Jim the Painter - say to him
Pink Jacketand even after a dozen of so years his face will screw up with distaste. This fellow was to put it mildly a complete tosser. For3 or 4 years we would dread his appearence. He'd demand to open sealed packets then scatter the contents- then ask why stuff weas missing. He'd usually do this at Salute when we had chaps 5 deep at the stand waving wads of cash at us. The last straw was when he demanded- never asked always demanded that I break open 2 packs of latex roads to give him the selection of bits he wanted. Now leaving aside the fact that this buggered up the product for other chaps his manner was so dammned offensive that- at Salute- I 'd had enough. No I didn't rend him limb from limb and dance in his blood- though for a fleeting second that was a possibility, I merely tore his credit card reciept in half and told him to make way for a bloke that wanted to buy stuff and never to darken my sight again. My restraint was admirable.
The other side of the coin.Salute again. Two Spanish chaps are buying some toys. Both are spending sizable sums for the time. I start to process the first chaps credit card and it's rejected. The Spanish chaps is understandably dismayed. His friend gigglesand in a perfect Speedy Gonzales voice says
He- he he - He have no moneyAnd then without a seconds hesitation hands over his own card to pay both bills. That of course is what friends are for.
Derby this time- possibly my favouite story ABOUT wargamers and their foibles... Evening -after the show my team and I are booked into a Mexican restaurant of our aquaintanve along with our good friend Mike Mc Nally- now an almost famous Osprey author. A couple of chaps- aquaintances of Mikes inveigke their way into the company. In my memeory they are both Thirtysomethings overweight and bespectacled with the definite look of the- to use a splendid Americanism
pussywhippedabout them. So there we are in this eatery when I and Mike notice on a nearby table several Toothsome females of the species- proper eye candy forsooth!- Phoarr - may have been uttered- were enoying a meal . One- a Blonde as I recall in a fetching LBD- is ,to coin a phrase, having trouble with her puppies. It's pretty obvious to Mike and myself that they need restaint. Jim - with his back to the action curses under his breath, eyeing us balefully. Finally the young lady succeeds in wrestling them more or less back into harness and I take a moment to look and listen elswhere and am shocked- not to say aghast ! While all the monumental events has been proceeding these tow wothies - despite the fact that they had at least as good a view as I, had I realised, continued the conversation I had noticed out of the "corner of my ear" . What you may ask was this about- eye candy? Blondes? Sassanid heavy Cavlary.. A games a game lads but sometimes.... Jeez...